healing happens when we share our stories
On this second Thanksgiving since the passing of my husband, I want to publicly honor his memory by publishing this letter to him. The time we had together was a treasure from God, and I'm grateful to Eric for the ways that he honored that gift, lived life to the fullest, and loved us so well.
I struggle with a quick-fused temper that sometimes spews onto the people I love most in this world. From talking with other moms, I've learned that I am not the only one that yells in anger say her kids. This is a very difficult thing for me to admit because it is so contrary to who I want to be as a mother. It hurts my heart more than almost anything else to see my beloved boys in pain, and there just aren't words to describe the kind of regret I feel when I know that I am the cause of that hurt. It’s also hard to admit because I haven’t found a fix-all solution; this is not a past-tense issue. I haven’t tied this up and thrown it behind me; there’s no pretty bow.
Grief has given me an acute awareness of the brevity of earthly life. Because of that knowledge, I try to treasure each moment and each relationship just a little more. The dark side of this reality is that I also face daily this feeling of dread, that the ones I love are not safe from death.
My little boys seem to have an innate desire to fight the bad guys, win the wars, and tussle about without a care for their own safety. As their mother, it is my desire to hone and encourage them in the way God created them to be, and to raise them to fight in God's kingdom for the souls of His people.
Once upon 8 years ago, a handsome college freshman found my phone number, called himself a "woo" and became my best friend. Just a couple weeks later, we went on our first date.
Life is hard. This world is full of sin and sickness, terrible pain and death. So how can I claim that "it's a good thing"? The beauty is in the battle and strength comes through the struggle. God is over all of it and it's a good thing.
Out of nowhere, my son called to me and said, “Look, Mama! A butterfly!” He found my hand and jumped up into my lap. His little body held me down in the chair and pulled my head back into reality. I stopped to watch the butterfly with him.
WARNING: Potty training story ahead. If you'd rather not read about toddler poops, diddles, do-do dots and stinky stickiness... feel free to move along.
My littles teach me a lot about faith. When we ask God for healing, it's easy to assume that everything will be all better immediately but difficult to trust His timing and process.
I can't think of a better way for to honor Eric and share love on Valentine's Day and the anniversary of his death than to renew my resolution and give blood to those who need it. Will you join me?
Rayford Story 